THE YNN TIMES

NAPERVILLE, IL — A routine Saturday errand descended into a 45-minute odyssey when local contractor Dale Higgins, 52, entered Ace Hardware at 10:07 AM to "grab one thing" — a 3/8-inch drill bit — and was not seen again until 10:52 AM, emerging with a canvas tote bag, a level, two tubes of caulk, a package of wire nuts, a shop light he "didn't know existed until now," and no drill bit. "They had moved them," Higgins explained to his wife via phone, audibly walking through a parking lot. "So I had to walk the whole store." An investigation by this reporter confirmed the drill bits were in the same location as they have been for the past six years. Higgins, who is described by his family as someone who "can't go in there without a chaperone," reportedly stopped to inspect a new brand of waterproof wood filler, had a 12-minute conversation with another man about a deck project, and evaluated three different utility knife models before remembering he was there for a drill bit. He did not purchase a drill bit. He will return tomorrow.